Liar
We all know one… We’ve all been one.
In case you hadn’t noticed I didn't write my blog last week (apologies to those that had their week ruined because of it). Now, I could make up some elaborate story as to why it didn't get written such as I was looking at vineyards to buy with Harry & Meagan or I was fixing the vaccine distribution situation in LA (don't get me started). Truth is, I just couldn't get it together last week. I had a million balls in the air and while I caught several of them, just as many were dropped. But, I pride myself on being honest - sometimes too honest- and I can admit that sometimes I just can’t do it all. That’s not to say I haven't dipped my toe in the lying pond (haven't we all), however there is a definite difference between dipping your toe and a full body submersion. Lucky for you, I am here to break it down for you using my own wine judging system (you're welcome).
The Dog Ate my Homework: This is a harmless lie because it only hurts yourself. Rarely do you get caught unless the teacher finds out you don't have a dog. Sometimes, this causes problems if you use this too often and then when the dog really does eat your homework the teacher doesn't believe you. Also known as "crying wolf". On the lying scale-- 1 glass
The Park is Closed, Santa is Watching & Other Lies we Tell our Children: Also known as "Mommy Lies". One of the saddest days was when my kids started to read. Up until then I could tell them "the park is closed" or "you have to be 6 years old to ride" or “7:00 time for bed". Once they started telling time and reading signs it was game over. Let's face it parenting is hard and sometimes you have to tell these little lies just to get through the day and keep your sanity. On the lying scale-- 2 glasses (only because if you do it right you will have time for 2 glasses at the end of the night).
You are a Great Singer & Other Lies we Tell our Children: These are tricky lies. While you want to encourage your child to reach for the stars, you have a responsibility to your children and the world to be realistic. These lies can be harmful to your child and others. Case in point-- American Idol. Every year there's always a few kids whose parents told them they could be the next American Idol. They go on the show full of confidence, belt out a toon, the judges cringe, the kid cries and we, the audience, are upset because the putz wasted our time and made our ears bleed. On the lying scale- -3 glasses
Do These Jeans Make me Look Fat?: If you have to ask you already know the answer. The answer is always yes. The only reason you are asking is to bait your spouse, partner or friend into an argument. Enough with the stupid questions! Change your clothes, giveaway those pants you can barely button up and MOVE ON! On the lying scale 4 glasses.
It Wasn’t Me, You’re the Best, but I Need a Break or Other Avoidance Lies: These are usually told by people who wouldn’t know the truth if it was written all over their N95 mask. We all know those people, maybe we’ve worked with them or maybe we have to spend holidays with them. Either way, these people will look you straight in the eye and tell you a wonderful story about any number of things that unfortunately won’t be punctuated by the phrase “Yeah! That’s the ticket!” (remember the character Tommy Flanagan played by Jon Lovitz on SNL?). It will be up to you to decipher what’s true, but with these people most of it is malarkey. On the lying scale — 2 bottles (1 for you to drink & 1 for you to hit them over the head with because they deserve it)
Just like this white wine made is from red merlot grapes, some people just aren’t what they seem so stay on your toes! And don’t be too hard on yourself if you occasionally tell a little white lie—sometimes it can help keep you sane or keep from hurting someone’s feelings. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you did the best you could and you stayed true to yourself.
Until next time…Salute
Salute